i threw a curve ball at you and hit it RIGHT INTO MY FACE

three days ago someone rung the doorbell to our apartment. my brother went downstairs to the lobby and answered the door. It was a woman accompanied by a policeman.

They were here to do an investigation.

I didn't know what was going on at the time, but the next day i found out that one of the tenants was reported missing. he was an old guy in his 70s. my parents told me he was a little senile, but he was a nice guy. i never saw him with a frown. you might have seen him passing out flyers with his wife in chinatown.

an hour, my mom walked by and showed me a newspaper with a picture of him.

he was found dead by the a pier in manhattan. i tried googling news about his death and i think this was it (http://www.myfoxphilly.com/dpps/news/tourists-spot-body-floating-in-river-ahead-of-tour-dpgonc-20110223-fc_12008858)

i never knew him and i don't feel any remorse, but it made me feel a little empty inside.

it made me think about dave

forget what i said in the previous post

i want to take chances

Guts, they have feelings too

whenever i see people embarrass themselves online, i cringe and skip through it. i just can't stand watching it. i don't know why. maybe it's because i want to spare their embarrassment by not watching that scene even though it isn't real?

you know what also makes me cringe? thinking about my experience with girls over the past few years.

I

WAS

SO

STUPID

thinking about all those times just makes me CRINGE. just thinking about it made me realize that i was such an immature and that i had so much to learn! i learned how not to tell a girl that you like her, the politics of texting, how not to bring your friend a long in a date, how girls can be confusing as hell sometimes, etc. But most importantly i learned that my gut feeling was never wrong, which leads me to another story.

My parents are happily married and their anniversary's coming up on the 16th! They met through their families and got married within six months. I would say my mother and father are in a healthy marriage and that they love each other very much. The other day I asked my mother how did she know that my father was "the one" in just six months? She told me that she just had a feeling, a sixth sense.

Thinking about it now, I understand what she meant and it's completely true, to me at least.

For each and very single one of the girls I had an interest in, I just knew that things weren't going to work out. I would think about just living life, getting rid of "what ifs" by trying to go for girls i had a bad feeling about (not "BAD" bad, but "things weren't going out" bad).

The next time i'm going to get rid of my "what ifs" for a girl is when my gut says "don't lose her."

-edit-

maybe not knowing for sure is the beauty of life. you just don't know what might happen.

damn it why things can't be just black and white?

i can be so indecisive sometimes